This Review Reveals Minor Details About the Plot.
Beauty and the Beast Revisited
Plot Overview
“Famous TV anchor[man]” Rob
Kingson (Peter Krause) parlayed his handsome features into a
top position in the NYC
news market. His watchword is, “How much people really
like you is proportional to what you look like.” His co-
anchor Jill got canned for “the way she looked on
camera” (“but she's a big-boned girl to begin
with.”) He surrounds himself with beauties. Intern
candidates must be, “easy on the eyes … no dog faces,
no dumpy frumps.” His Jamaican housekeeper Zola (Lisa
Gay Hamilton) also has a pleasantly lilting voice. His son Kyle
“Hunter” Kingson (Alex Pettyfer) inherited some
heartthrob genes from his—we assume beautiful—mom
before she left.
A beguiling Kyle sweeps his
Buckeston Academy high school election for president of the Green
Committee, though he doesn't care a fig for the environment;
he just wants to pad his record. He has a “barbie”
girlfriend who suffers him. In his arrogance he gets on the
bad side of eccentric Kendra Hilferty (Mary-Kate Olsen) who casts
a spell on him (“Only idiots screw with witches”)
changing his appearance into an environmental nightmare.
He has a year to find someone to tell him, “I love
you,” before it becomes permanent.
His dad
exiles him to an apartment in Brooklyn. Using street smarts he
persuades scholarship student Lindy Taylor (Vanessa Hudgens)
to share it having her own room. With a combination of flowers,
love letter, and poetry (Frank O'Hara, “Having a Coke with
You,”) he goes all out to win her love.
Ideology
This movie somewhat follows the land, sea & air motif of, (Prov. 30:18-19) “There be three things which are too wonderful for me, yea, four which I know not: The way of an eagle in the air; the way of a serpent upon a rock; the way of a ship in the midst of the sea; and the way of a man with a maid.” First, “the way of an eagle in the air” is represented by the ballistics of darts thrown by blind, live-in tutor Will Fratalli (Neil Patrick Harris) unerringly making bulls-eyes (“an emo chick gave me a dart hex”) and later pouring water into a glass by ear and with some guidance from Kyle. His romantic inroads, similarly, will result from a combination of skill, magic, and coaching. Zola's advice was along the lines of author Michael Chabon:
to reach outside myself, beyond the dome and eyebrows of my own skull, imagine the life that was going on inside the head of another human—her fears, wishes, needs, likes and dislikes, longings—and then take these into consideration before I acted. (70)
“The way of a serpent upon a rock” is represented in a TV documentary showing a bereaved mother elephant returning to the bones of her calves after a year's migration. Kyle will have to keep up his efforts for the whole year the witch gave him.
“The way of a ship in the
midst of the sea” is represented in a scene at the lake
house. Kyle recounts how he enjoyed his father's company fishing
there as a lad, but “My dad got bad [cell] reception down at
the lake; he could only take it for about 45 minutes a
day.” Similarly, the witch was unable to give Kyle more time
(“Sorry, it's magic.”)
Finally, “the way of a man with a maid” is rightly hard to second guess—unless we've seen similar stories,—but these tropes telegraph some preparation.
Production Values
“”
(2011) was written and directed by Daniel Barnz. It was adapted
from a 2007 novel by Alex Flinn. It stars Alex Pettyfer, Vanessa
Hudgens and Mary-Kate Olsen who are probably very good actors, but
there was little they could have done with such a mediocre script.
Still, with romance, witchcraft, street crime, and elections,
one could have hoped to see more sparks leap off the screen.
Pettyfer a British, male fashion model at least looked the part.
MPA rated it PG–13 for language including crude
comments, brief violence and some thematic material. The male
lead's makeup was done by first cutting off his golden locks and
then brutally tattooing & piercing a prosthetic to fit over his
face—if they'd done it for real, he'd be scarred for life.
The neighborhood settings looked like England where they were
shot. The woo woo witchery employed good effects. Runtime
≈ 1½ hours.
Review Conclusion w/a Christian's Recommendation
“Beastly” is a modernized teenage take on Beauty and the Beast, which contains some obvious lessons on beauty and arrogance. It's a pleasant watch even if we can figure out where it's going. If you can handle its outright simplicity, you'll probably enjoy it.
Movie Ratings
Action Factor: Weak action scenes. Suitability for Children: Suitable for children 13+ years with guidance. Special effects: Well done special effects. Video Occasion: Good for Groups. Suspense: Predictable. Overall movie rating: Three stars out of five.
Works Cited
Scripture quoted from the King James Version. Pub. 1611, rev. 1769. Software.
Chabon, Michael. “Against Dickitude.” Originally published in Details. Reprinted in Fatherhood in Pieces. Copyright © 2018 by Michael Chabon. New York: HarperCollins Pub., first edition. Print.
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