Plot Details: This Review Reveals Minor Details About the Plot.
Arizona 1882
Plot Overview
In the [nonexistent] shadow of the “big stump on the edge of town where they have gunfights,” rancher Charlie Blanche (Brett Rickaby) is fixin' to settle a score on account of, “Your g.d. sheep grazed up half my ranch, Stark!” Sheep farmer Albert Stark (Seth MacFarlane) arriving late tries to negotiate with him: “Is there anything at all I can say to get you to call this off?” The only thing that gets called off is Albert's engagement to the lovely Louise (Amanda Seyfried) after she witnesses her man backing down. The problem with sheep herding is they tend to wander off (“Your sheep are every place”), so the only way a shepherd has of protecting his investment is to maintain a reputation dangerous enough that folks won't help themselves to some convenient mutton. Marrying a “pussy” of a sheep herder seems a poor risk to Louise.
Albert's father George (Christopher Hagen) taught him from birth that the world is not a welcoming place, purged him of childhood fantasies, and forced him to be coldly pragmatic. George spends all his time reading, so Albert followed his example and became a nerd. Furthermore, Albert didn't demur from learning from unlikely sources, including a woman sharpshooter, a famous Indian chief, and a time traveler from the future—in a mixup of movie genres. So when the inevitable critical gunfight occurs between him and notorious outlaw Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson), one can't help but be reminded of the fight at the end of Johnny Cash's song, “A Boy Named Sue.” The rotten old man who named him Sue concedes that he put up one helluva fight, telling him he's fought tougher men, but he really can't remember when. Sure, there's better gunfighters than nerd Albert, but I can't think of any.
In the old west, “a hard land for hard folk,” a white boy's key to success is education. As pragmatic background, “A Million Ways to Die in the West” depicts a woman's key to survival as remaining a virgin until she marries—or as long as she's able—and then being submissive to her husband—as much as she's able. The Red Man's, Indian's, key is to be careful whom he trusts in negotiations. And the black man's success, who is now emancipated, is in his physical prowess.
Ideology
In Old Stump Township (founded 1866) life is a bitch and then you die. “A Million Ways” depicts its hardships. For dinner they eat beans. I checked my pantry for comparison and found cans of Van Camp's Baked Beans (since 1861). The recipe is labeled Original and included is a message to “Get Involved” with Child Hunger Ends Here. You've come a long way, baby!
It seems to me there's a lot of people needing our prayers if we're to do our Christian duty as it says in 1Tim. 2:1, and especially to pray for our leaders, per 1Tim. 2:2, if we want peaceable, honest, godly lives. The poor Mayor of Old Stump sure didn't have anyone concerned about his dead body, and Abraham Lincoln (Gilbert Gottfried) in a flashback speech didn't have the makings of a president unless someone took to praying for him.
Paul tells us in (1 Tim. 2:8) “I will therefore that men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting.” If praying is talking to God, then the formula is to be animated enough to talk with one's hands. Albert “lifted up his hands” to the sun in order to make shadow puppets to entertain his itchy opponent and defuse his anger. He lifted up his hands “without wrath” (“Let's get in position”) with his buddy Edward (Giovanni Ribisi) in mock combat at a barroom brawl to fake out the rioters. And at a peyote ceremony he lifted up his gun hand “without doubting” to handle a venomous snake.
Women are also to express their holiness in the physical sphere: (1Tim. 2:9–10) “In like manner
also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with
shamefastness and sobriety, not with broided hair, or gold,
or pearls, or costly array, but (which becometh women professing
godliness) with good works.” Louise “with broidered
hair” required an “expensive dress,” but Albert's
new girl Anna (Charlize Theron) was full of good works. The “modest
apparel” of a bustle
skirt, forming a false fat fanny to obscure the female form, was elaborated
on in the movie.
“Shamefastness” was discussed at length
regarding the photographs of the time in which nobody ever smiled
(“Hold still, now.”) NOTE:
The 1611 King James translators used the word
shamefastness, but printers later
substituted the alternate
shamefacedness of the same meaning, which latter
has now through use passed into our general English vocabulary, e.g. “Mark looked shame-faced at Artie,
then stood up, took a few steps, and sat back down” (Robinson 281).
I used the original, because it was reinstated in the 1873 Cambridge
Paragraph Bible, and more recently in the New
Cambridge Paragraph Bible. We're shown a picture of Miss
America, circa 1882, dressed head to toe in loose black garments with a stern
expression on her face.
For what it's worth, the preacher in a self-centered sermon makes a vague reference to the Bible that he says will support him, rather than conforming his sermon to what it actually says. Edward before engaging in premarital sex, says, “Okay, I'm gonna close the bible now.” This attitude of disregard for the Bible comes in 1882. But it was during 1881–85 that the first actual revision of the King James Version (KJV) occurred in the (British) Revised Version, opening the door to later revisions of dubious value. The (New) Cambridge Paragraph Bible is the reliable one, keeping pace with the English language (2011), and it's still the KJV.
Production Values
“A Million Ways to Die in the West” (2014) was directed by Seth MacFarlane. It was written by Seth MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild. It stars Seth MacFarlane, Charlize Theron, Liam Neeson, Giovanni Ribisi, Sarah Silverman, Neil Patrick Harris, and Amanda Seyfried, everyone holding up his or her end. Its opening scenes of Monument Valley were awesome and the pseudo-theme music evoked Dmitri Tiomkin scores. A cute number, “If You've Only Got a Moustache,” written by Stephen Foster (Additional Lyrics by Seth MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild), was performed by Amick Byram.
The movie was rated R for strong crude and sexual content, language throughout, some violence and drug material. This is not a kiddie flick, and I daresay some adults will even be put off by it. Clever jokes abound, alternating with crude comedic material, and sometimes it was more like stand-up comedy. The carnival consumer shooting game called “Runaway Slave” might put some people off. Even in the movie it was remarked, “That seems unnecessary. What's wrong with ducks, or rabbits, or something?” I've got a banner hung outside my window saying, "GO DUCKS!" our mascot. I think it helps to take a historical perspective.
Review Conclusion w/ Consumer Recommendation
I really enjoyed “A Million Ways to Die in the West,” but I'm easy to please. It doesn't follow the set western formula, so if that's what you're looking for, you better look elsewhere. It's a mixture of modern philosophy with Hollywood western values in a fresh product. For something new and different, try this one.
Movie Ratings
Action factor: Well done action flick. Suitability For Children: Not Suitable for Children of Any Age. Special effects: Absolutely amazing special effects. Video Occasion: Good for Groups. Suspense: Several suspenseful moments. Overall product rating: Four stars out of Five.
Works Cited
Scripture taken from The New Cambridge Paragraph Bible. KJV Pub. 1611, rev. 1769, 2005, 2011. Software, print.
Robinson, Frank M. Waiting. New York: Tom Doherty Assoc., 1999. Print.
bibles.n7nz.org