Movie Review - Bible Based: Puddle Cruiser

This Review Reveals Minor Details About the Plot.

Busted!

Plot Overview

woman teacher Two Coburn U. undergrads Bartholomew Grogan (Kevin Heffernan) and Matthew Phister (Paul Soter) get busted (“caught red-handed”) by Campus Safety for a crime more serious than streaking but not as bad as murder. Refusing to give up the third perp who got away, they are remanded to the judiciary board. Happily they have a hot student counsel Suzanne McKenna (Kayren Butler) from Pre-Law defending them. Unhappily she is sleeping with the Pre-Law prosecutor Felix Bean (Steve Lemme) so she must recuse herself. The two defendants (“You were caught red-handed”) cobble together their own defense from: a recollected landmark case, a famous prize fight, a well-known movie, and other odds & ends. This we gotta see.

educational supplies We get an inkling of their sharp minds from their discussion of continental drift while examining a world globe: “It's bumpy over here. … It's bumpy over there. … That was attached. … Look, Alaska is cold. … Antarctica is cold. … They were attached. … Look at that, hot … hot, so they were attached. … Exactly.”

In fact campus life here is a veritable education in geography. First there's the aurora borealis party. Suzanne's friend Emily (Alison Clapp) clarifies, “It's northern lights.” Boreal is Latin for north. The four points of the compass are: boreal north, austral south, oriental east, and occidental west. The Latin terms tend to describe the limits of the directions. Natchez, Mississippi where Matt spent his summer, is in the South but not as far south as Australia down under. Suzanne's Wild West gender issues class has to do with the western U.S. as opposed to say, a broader Occident in a Vachss novel, “‘You still look like European.’ (Mama likes to pretend all Occidentals look alike to her)” (92), or in Berger: “‘I met a Hindu from India the other day. He said, “Hello, sister. we met once in another life”.’ ¶His mother often encountered Asiatics in her circles and believed they saw farther than Occidentals, using the innner eye” (123). Webster's Occidental West includes both Europe and the Americas. Webster defines Orient as “esp. the countries of eastern Asia.” When the students discuss Seijuan food and a mahimahi pot pie, we could call them oriental dishes, much of western Asia being too far from the ocean for sea food. In fact Fowler tells us in an article (on feminine designations):

Any word that does the work of two or more by packing several notions into one is a gain (the more civilized a language the more such words it possesses), if certain conditions are observed: it must not be cumbersome; it should for choice be correctly formed; & it must express a compound notion that is familiar enough to need a name. (175–76)

Oriental is a handy word to use when describing the (still-broad) territory of eastern Asia. There's a funny skit in this movie of a deli vendor using overly long descriptive names for his menu items.

high ball Suzanne has New York plates on her car and visits home on occasion. Her boyfriend of four years, since high school, Traci Shannon (Jamison Selby) attends Peck University and might make a (surprise) visit home or to Suzanne's school on a weekend. That puts them all in the east. When her two boyfriends find out about each other, they are scheduled for a rugby grudge match (“a contact sport.”) Felix is up against “the meanest, baddest, toughest guy in the east.” At least he's not called toughest in the orient; that would be a James Bond level villain or one like Rex Ruthor who here battled Superperson in a women's alternative theater.

Ideology

man on phone The collegiate men run afoul of free love when they should have known better. Matt is rumored to have got an underage girl in trouble on his summer vacation. Grogan is rumored to have contracted an STD from unprotected sex. Felix experiences postcoital regret (“Let's do brunch”) after having sex with one Jennifer Montgomery whom he picked up in a bar. air mail
plane And Emily likes the campus postman “Freaky” Sean “Reaky” (Erik Stolhanske) who personalizes his mail delivery but invades the dreams of his conquest. Only Felix's friend Zach Streeter (Jay Chandrasekhar) is more restrained with his lady friend Marjorie Fontaine who gave him six out of seven digits of her phone number and a limp goodbye kiss.

(Prov. 6:23-26) “For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life: To keep thee from the evil woman, from the flattery of the tongue of a strange woman. Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids. For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life.”

(Prov. 6:27-29) “Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned? So he that goeth in to his neighbour's wife; whosoever toucheth her shall not be innocent.” Illicit sex has consequences as do a lot of things. Plasma ejecta from the sun lights up the northern night sky. A glass of water thrown into the face of a courtroom witness makes him jumpy. Have sex outside of wedlock and stuff happens.

cop writing ticket (Prov. 6:30-31) “Men do not despise a thief, if he steal to satisfy his soul when he is hungry; But if he be found, he shall restore sevenfold; he shall give all the substance of his house.” Some things are not so consequential. “Perps [caught] in the act of ingesting campus foodstuffs” will be required to do 500 hours of community service, but nobody is going to despise them for just satisfying their late night munchies.

wildebeest But moving in on another man's woman is taken more seriously. (Prov. 6:32-35) “But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul. A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away. For jealousy is the rage of a man: therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance. He will not regard any ransom; neither will he rest content, though thou givest many gifts.” As one in the know puts it, “I have instincts. I have to fight the other bulls. I have to breed and I have to protect my offspring.”

Production Values

“” (1996) was directed by Jay Chandrasekhar. It was written by Jay Chandrasekhar, Kevin Heffernan and Steve Lemme. It stars Jay Chandrasekhar, Kevin Heffernan and Steve Lemme. The acting was predictably pitiful using an inexperienced cast, except for Erik Stolhanske who did a bang up job as Freaky Reaky. At least they committed no distracting gaffes.

MPAA rated it R for language, sexual content and brief drug use. It was filmed on location at Colgate University, Hamilton, New York, USA. Its runtime is 1 hour 42 minutes. It was made on the cheap.

Review Conclusion w/a Christian's Recommendation

This was a pleasant romp and for college grads a foray down memory lane. Easy to watch and amusing, but you won't bust a gut. The rugby looked realistic. The cursing was tempered to fit the situation. The production team will do better on their next one.

Movie Ratings

Action factor: Decent action scenes. Suitability For Children: Not Suitable for Children of Any Age. Special effects: Well, at least you can't see the strings. Video Occasion: Show it in college dorms. Suspense: Keeps you on the edge of your seat. Overall movie rating: Three and a half stars out of five.